Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I'm in a Ranting Mood Today!!

Wassup you all ya. I wanted to share a list of things that pissed me off over this long week. Maybe you feel the same way or maybe not......aaahh its up to ya!!

1 - IKEA furniture - Have you ever bought some shyt from there that you had to assemble? Good Luck!! Your furniture comes with some directions written in Swedish. WTF!! Just a piece of paper with a mf pointing at the shelves, and another picture of that same mf pointing at an empty spot in the living room. With a mf smiley face.....like, "wasn't that easy?" Fukk you, Swedish mute bytch!!

2 - Ice Cream truck items near whitechapel - You should NEVER be able to buy soft serve ice cream and a pack of malboro's at the same time.thats shit!

Yeah, Valentine's Day has passed....which made me think - It's expensive as a MF to have a girlfriend. Now, I might lose the females on this....but don't take it personally. It's just my view. We still friends. The fellas will understand what I'm saying.

When you sit back and think about it, having a girlfriend will break a mfs pockets!! All your expenses have to be multiplied by two, cuz how DARE she pay her own way. Then there's the extra gas to and from their house. Basically, don't even think about getting a girlfriend if you can't afford those bare essentials. Then there's other shyt like:

Gifts: Between Valentine's Day, birthdays, Mother's Day (if y'all got kids), anniversaries, Christmas, and all the times we "FUKK UP"....this is enough to match your salary!! DAMN! My brother hakeem alwayz TOLD me to break up with her azz 3 days before major holidays. When will i learn?!

You've got kids meals, value meals, dinners on the run, lunch on Tuesday, let's have a night out, or....it's just us tonight, and all those mf meals that you ain't even gon' take part in. And all those times she gives you that "look" and says, "Baby, pay for this.....baby, pay for that". WTF. Just TRY to mention "going Dutch" to her.

Just last week, this woman in my office said she went on a date with this mf, and offered to pay. Then she was pissed that he took her up on the offer. She dogged dude like he wasn't shyt. But my question is, why the FUKK did you offer to pay if you weren't sincere to begin with?

i have to let it all out today!!!!.......

My socks and silverware - WTF is goin' on wit my socks? A mf is buying new ones almost every week. How da fukk do they keep turnin' up missing?! I always lose one. Where they going?? The mf dryer sock monster? I grab one out the drawer...and can NEVER find the mf match. And forks and spoons...i'm down to like 4 of each. It's like a mf is breakin' in at night just to hit me up for my silverware.

It's 2007, and I'm noticing a trend around my office. Whether it's in a meeting, or at the coffee machine, I seem to notice it. From women and men. MFs are sugar coatin' shyt


When did lying become okay? It's fine to just feed a mf a bunch of false hope? For instance, I heard this conversation in the hall.

Co-worker 1: I ain't heard from him since Wednesday of last week

Co-worker 2: Didn't you say he works 2 jobs....maybe he's busy. He'll call soon.

Co-worker 1: Yeah, you're right....maybe he's just going through something

See....WRONG MF ANSWER!!She needs to hear the truth.He don't FUKK with you!! Plain and simple.........stop sugar coatin!!........thats all!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Ethiopian Women: It's Time To Make Peace So This One's For You

Today I was having a discussion with Ahmed,Yasin and Hassan about the inherent sexiness of many Ethiopian women. Then it hit me: I have YET to devote blog space to this topic. Considering that it is definitely one that inspires passion and good memories, I shall proclaim this day "Sexy Ethiopian Woman Day" and write a little something.

Where do I begin? Ah yes...I will start off by talking about the first Ethiopian woman that took my breath away, Rehana. Rehana worked in the women's section of Hechts department store in the summer of 2000. At that time, I had a part time evening job there selling luggage in the downstairs section of the place. Our paths did not cross my first couple of weeks there, but once I caught a glimpse of her, I was never the same. This woman was as close to physically perfect as I could imagine at that point in my life. Beautiful face, sexy legs, nice breasts, perfect ass, just everything you could want. It was as if the woman from your sexiest fantasies were placed right in front of you, selling overpriced blouses to middle-aged women. I was actually a little intimidated to go speak to her at first, especially since this one brother who worked upstairs in the men's suits section was always up in her face whenever I would come around. I realized that I would regret it for the rest of the summer if I didn't make a move, so about after about two more weeks of just smiling at her and saying hello, I approached her. I only had a few days before I was going back to my uni, so I knew it was now or never. To my suprise, she always thought I was handsome and told me she looked forward to seeing my smile whenever I came upstairs. Plus, that fucker in the men's suits department wasn't even her man. He just came over to try to block all the other brothers who might have wanted to talk to her. So we conversed on the phone a few times, but never really got to go out because she had to return to the University of Maryland Eastern Shore before I had to go back to uni. We kept in touch for awhile, but then lost track of each other. So to all my readers, if you know a Rehana that went to UMES, holler at a brother. You'll know if it's the same one I am referring to, because she is fine as all getthefuckouttatown. If you know how I can reach her and hopefully make sweet love to her after a night of fine dining and smooth jazz, e-mail me at feisalpost@hotmail.co.uk

The london area is blessed with more than it's fair share of good-looking Ethiopian women. It's to the point that you don't really notice the average or the less-than attractive Ethiopian women out here that much, because the superstars shine so brightly. I used to meet all kinds of beautiful ones at Anzu in king's cross on Sunday nights. That place used to be a gold mine. I never wrote about it on here before, because I did not want too many of y'all to come through and somalianize/kenyanize my little spot.

Now I know that sounds fucked up, especially coming from a fellow black person, but let me explain. I know some folks read the site, then see comments after each entry and assume that those are the only folks who looked at the entry. Well, it's a significantly higher number of people reading here that never leave comments at all thanx to my blog-tracker. Now, I love ALL my readers, but I don't necessarily want all you motherfuckers up at the same spot as me on the same night. Some of you might not know how to act. Come in there starting fights and smacking bartenders and shit. Hopefully, you're all civilized individuals with home training. I'm willing to bet a few dickheads slipped through the cracks, though. Just remember, I still care about you, even if you are a fuckup. Also, telling too many other dudes about a certified gold mine of good looking women almost guarantees that the next time you go, it will be a swordfight. Men always go places where there are women.I actually know dudes that go to this one club in moorgate, and wait for the male strippers to finish performing and leave, then come in to party with the drunk, horny chicks that are still there. That alone makes it safe to assume that wherever there is pussy, there will be dudes not very far behind in pursuit of it.

But yeah, caledonian road in itself is a haven of beautiful Ethiopian women. Aldgate, as well. If this area has one natural resource, it is an abundance of beautiful Ethiopian women. To my beautiful Ethiopian sisters, I tip my hat to you.

*Legal Disclaimer*

Before you non-Ethiopian women get up in arms and start talking that "Fuck you Feisal" shit, let me just say that I love and appreciate women of ALL races, ethnic backgrounds and social upbringings. I just chose to put this one group in the spotlight today. So get off my gotdamn back. Thank you :) Oh yeah...If you happen to know that girl Rehana, then you're officially not one of the folks I was referring to in paragraph 4.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


Get your mind out of the gutter. Today's entry is not about feisal. I just had to get your attention somehow. Now that you are here, go ahead and start reading.

its about this kenyan from SIAYA!.....A little while ago, I read this Op-Ed column written by Eugene Robinson of The Washington Post. It was in reference to Senator Joe Biden's comment describing Barack Obama as "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." Biden has been backpedaling for the last few days trying to clean up his words, but I have a feeling that his campaign for the Presidency will be quite possibly be the best in history after starting off this badly......obama has the charm to win this race!.....

The article went on to ask what exactly is it that white people mean when they call a black person "articulate". In my opinion, Robinson wrote a great article. When I hear people speak of Barack Obama and Condoleeza Rice as being "articulate", it gets to me, too. That should be a given for someone who has attained what they have in America. Most successful politicians are outstanding public speakers, so why should the black ones be singled out? President Bush stands out, mainly because he is one of the worst orators in modern political history. I think the only political figure out there worse than him is Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger, and everybody already knew that listening to him speak is considered a form of torture in some parts of the world.

It's almost as if people expect Obama to go onstage and quote rap lyrics like Stuart Scott on SportsCenter. Like he's supposed to give shout-outs or yell out "BROOOKLYYYYYN!!!" on the Senate floor. It's ridiculous.

[Note] To all of my readers in Brooklyn, don't act like you've never yelled that out at least once in your life. I've never even been to Brooklyn, and I have. It's pretty fun. [end note]


I'm sure this will fall on deaf ears, since the folks that need to see it probably will not come to my blog. Still, if I have enlightened at least one soul, then it was worth it.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Another Extremely Feisal Day

I'm feeling good.

No...I'm feeling GRRRRRRREAT!

I can't believe i haven't had time to blog of recently my sincere apologies to all my reader's,it's been a busy month at last i've managed to get an off but Since it's another day where my swag is on a level that mere mortals such as yourself cannot begin to comprehend, I'm going to take the day off from blogging and let my ego speak for me once again. It's been awhile since the last time I put the uncut thoughts from my ego in print form. I've been letting conscience and logic act as a filter, instead of just saying the first thoughts that come to mind, not giving a damn whether or not they are socially acceptable.

It's Friday. I'm looking good. I'm smelling good. I have on clean underwear. I've already gotten my caffiene fix. Life is good, god damn it. I shall now get out of the way and let my ego speak:

Feisal's Unfiltered Ego

It's one hell of a morning! Probably because I woke up and graced it with my presence. I think the sun waited on me to sh*t, shower and shave before deciding to show it's face. It was a good decision, because had it started to rise before I gave it the O.K., I'd have to hitch a ride on the space shuttle and slap the sh*t out of it.

Yes, I'm capable of pimp-slapping the sun, so don't test me. On that note, to the parts of the world that experienced a solar eclipse last week, I offer my apologies. I had morning wood, and when I stood up to stretch, it got dark in Thailand. Ah well...Phuket.

Serena Williams' ass has been looking pretty nice since she's had this successful run in the Australian Open. She needs to let me hit that. Serena, if you're reading this, I think I'm up for the challenge! I'll take this racket of mine and serve up a few aces on your court. Then I'll let you buy me something nice in return for all the pleasurable pleasures I gave you. We can do it like that scene from "A History of Violence." Argue, then take our frustrations over to the staircase and f*ck it out!

*sniff sniff*

Something smells really good!

Oh, that's just me. I'm walking around the office smelling like a French whore. I might have to go out tonight and let the rest of the city see what they're missing! Then again, maybe I'll just stay home, watch some NBA basketball and marinate in my own greatness, only to unleash it on the unsuspecting public tomorrow. I'll just see how I feel later. Yeah...Let the world wait until I make up my mind!

I just thought about something. Some French whores don't smell good. I was not referring to them. I was talking about the high-priced ones who bathe and use au de parfums and sh*t like that. Not the ones who have yet to discover the joys of deodorant.

That's enough random shit talk for today. I'll leave you with some words of wisdom: If you're the type to actually say "F*ck Feisal. He thinks he's better than me", then I probably am. Life ain't fair. Get over it.

Have a nice weekend and i promise to be bloggin more often this month....aightttttttt!!!!