Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Saturday, August 11, 2007


damn its hot!!.....What have I been up to, you ask? Well, my friends, let me answer your question.

I’ve been sweating like an Alabama field slave.

Sweating like two fat people having sex in a sauna

Sweating like a Eddie Murphy waiting on some paternity test results.

Sweating like a hooker in church service.

Sweating like Michael Jackson when he runs out of white man makeup.

Sweating like a coke bottle sitting on a picnic table at a barbeque.

Sweating like I’ve been running from one side of the equator to the other.

You get the idea. Londonis HOT! I have AC, but still. Every time I’ve gone outside these past few days, I’ve had to ask myself, “Am I still in London, or have I died and officially gone to Hell?”

Then, I see some half-naked woman with a nice body walk by, and I remember that I’m still alive. I would not be treated to such visual delights if Lucifer were my landlord.

You know it’s bad when it’s too hot to do all of the things that I like to do. Like eating khat outside with my friends. F*cking. Talking sh*t. When it’s so hot, that you let disrespectful actions slide for the simple fact that you don’t want to exert too much energy and end up sweating, then you know it’s serious.

Everybody be safe, and remember to stay hydrated if ou have to be out in the sun. Also, to all my fellow brown/black-skinned people, remember that sunburn is not REAL! but it HURTS!
another thing yeah yesterday was hot it was the type of heat that makes you discriminate against big people. Nobody wants a big body pressed up against you when you're already hot sitting by yourself. When the train hit a station with a lot of people waiting to get on, it was like Russian Roulette. I watched each passenger come on the train, the whole time thinking "Come on skinny person! COME ON, SKINNY PERSON...DAMN IT! PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FAT B*TCH SIT NEXT TO ME...WHEEEEEEEW. She kept it moving. Thank God! Come on, skinny person!"

It was my lucky day. Some slim fellow who did not stink sat next to me for the next couple of stops. I had enough elbow room, so things worked out. Had someone big person sat next to me, you might not be reading this right now. You'd be like "I heard that dude Feisal died of a heat stroke. They had to peel his body off this big girl named Gladys' arm! The man was stuck like velcro!"

What made it worse was when I finally got to my destination. I felt the weather outside, and realized that it was way too nice out there for it to be so damned hot inside the train! If I get on another hot ass death trap of a tube train again, I'm going to walk all the way up to the front, and slap the driver repeatedly until he or she either cuts on the AC, or passes out. Hopefully, the driver will just cut on the AC, because I do not know how to drive a tube train. If I'm driving, everyone on the train will be cool, but eventually we're all gonna probably die when I cause some kind of crash! London underground, get your act together so that it does not have to come to this!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Dry Humped On The bakerloo Line

Its been long while can't believe i haven't been bloggin'.......yaani basically the whole of july have not blogged .......was so busy at the hospital.........tellin u guyz about it gets me depressed.......so lemme right somethin lively tha'll get my writing juices up n going.........aight!!...Not sure if I told this story before, and I'm even more unsure if the world really needs to know this...

Hell, you all know enough crazy things about me by now to know that I don't embarass easily. That said, I shall tell the story of my adventure one morning going to work taking the underground Line.

It was a nice summer day in july. I was running a tad bit behind my usual time arriving at work, but was in no rush at all. The only drawback of my arrival time at the underground station was that at that point every day it got realy crowded on the bakerloo Line. Since I lived right near a station at the time, it didn't make sense to travel to another station to avoid the rush...Plus traffic was a bitch everyday out there.

So the train arrives, and as I anticipated, it was really crowded. I ended up standing between a wall on the rail car and between this lady with a red dress on. I smiled at her as I got on and said something along the lines of "This is what I get for oversleeping" or something to that effect. She smiled and said one of the standard responses from the hoodrat handbook, "I know that's right."

I can't lie..the red dress lady was kinda cute. She was a couple hamburgers across the thick/fat line, but she wasn't too far gone. Plus, her booty made up for the little bit of excesses everywhere else.

Initially, I was just in a zone, thinking about nothing but work. So as the train gets more and more crowded, she backs up on me more and more. Eventually, she backs that thang up on me, and I realize that she's begun swaying side to side gently. At first I thought "What the fuck?!? This chick is dry humping me on the bakerloo Line!?!?"

Then, I started feeling a little...tingly. That shit started to feel gooder than a motherfucker.* abdalla Jr. jr was wide the fuck awake...To the point that I had to cover my shit with my work portfolio when I got off the train so as not to draw attention to the boner. I really wish I didn't have to switch lines at Baker street, because I bet if I had stayed on there and actually talked to her, she would have broken me off something TERRIBLE. I'm sure if random gropage felt that good, she probably has incredible tang. I'm talking Snatch of Legend. I might be writing about toe curling, fantastic sex right now as opposed to getting groped by a stranger in public and actually kinda liking it.

Now, to all of you impressionable readers, I do not, repeat, DO NOT recommend that you try this. That's an easy way to catch a case, or get the shit beat outta you. Besides, it's rather...trampish. The only time groping strangers is acceptable these days is on the dancefloor, preferably after both parties have been drinking.

* note: I know that "gooder" is not a word, but felt so tingly and sparkly and magnificent that I had to use a word that does not exist to describe how horny I got...I was such a hebitchmanslutwhore that day......yep!.....i had to let that out!!!.........so i'm back now here to blog as kawaida..........baadhen basi wote!