Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Saturday, August 11, 2007

IT'S SWEATING ALL OVER!!!

damn its hot!!.....What have I been up to, you ask? Well, my friends, let me answer your question.

I’ve been sweating like an Alabama field slave.

Sweating like two fat people having sex in a sauna

Sweating like a Eddie Murphy waiting on some paternity test results.

Sweating like a hooker in church service.

Sweating like Michael Jackson when he runs out of white man makeup.

Sweating like a coke bottle sitting on a picnic table at a barbeque.

Sweating like I’ve been running from one side of the equator to the other.

You get the idea. Londonis HOT! I have AC, but still. Every time I’ve gone outside these past few days, I’ve had to ask myself, “Am I still in London, or have I died and officially gone to Hell?”

Then, I see some half-naked woman with a nice body walk by, and I remember that I’m still alive. I would not be treated to such visual delights if Lucifer were my landlord.

You know it’s bad when it’s too hot to do all of the things that I like to do. Like eating khat outside with my friends. F*cking. Talking sh*t. When it’s so hot, that you let disrespectful actions slide for the simple fact that you don’t want to exert too much energy and end up sweating, then you know it’s serious.

Everybody be safe, and remember to stay hydrated if ou have to be out in the sun. Also, to all my fellow brown/black-skinned people, remember that sunburn is not REAL! but it HURTS!
another thing yeah yesterday was hot it was the type of heat that makes you discriminate against big people. Nobody wants a big body pressed up against you when you're already hot sitting by yourself. When the train hit a station with a lot of people waiting to get on, it was like Russian Roulette. I watched each passenger come on the train, the whole time thinking "Come on skinny person! COME ON, SKINNY PERSON...DAMN IT! PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FAT B*TCH SIT NEXT TO ME...WHEEEEEEEW. She kept it moving. Thank God! Come on, skinny person!"

It was my lucky day. Some slim fellow who did not stink sat next to me for the next couple of stops. I had enough elbow room, so things worked out. Had someone big person sat next to me, you might not be reading this right now. You'd be like "I heard that dude Feisal died of a heat stroke. They had to peel his body off this big girl named Gladys' arm! The man was stuck like velcro!"

What made it worse was when I finally got to my destination. I felt the weather outside, and realized that it was way too nice out there for it to be so damned hot inside the train! If I get on another hot ass death trap of a tube train again, I'm going to walk all the way up to the front, and slap the driver repeatedly until he or she either cuts on the AC, or passes out. Hopefully, the driver will just cut on the AC, because I do not know how to drive a tube train. If I'm driving, everyone on the train will be cool, but eventually we're all gonna probably die when I cause some kind of crash! London underground, get your act together so that it does not have to come to this!

7 Comments:

At 7:13 AM, Blogger Aya said...

LOL, Feisal. I think you've become a molestation magnet. What's with all the fat, fugly people rubbing up on ya'? It is hot 'round here too. Hotter than a witch's tit in hell's rollcall :).

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Majonzi said...

a jamaaa walapas, I am back :). Nini hii about London being hot? Not the dreary rainy place anymore? Maze its hot in Mpls too, really bad.

lol, keep away from the tube, I mean from the driver's seat! just sweat in your area!

 
At 6:25 AM, Blogger Aegeus said...

Stay cool a guy..i see the sun is coming back to nairobi...the cold here was getting too much...at times it was so cold i would think it was snowing..fungua curtains...wapi? nothing!

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Klara said...

LOL! Sweating like a hooker in a churc service!! RONFLMPAO!

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger waks said...

Ha ha I'm allergic to fatties too, actually swear to God they make me gag.I used to think I detest fat people lakini yours is to another level. Hope this London subway does not land u next to fatties all the time. Its depressing!

 
At 11:55 PM, Blogger kny@hart said...

dude!! like M.J when he runs out of white man make up?? dude!!
sumone come pick me up off da floor.. lol

 
At 10:16 PM, Blogger Chancy said...

Gotta say "funny shit,funny man". Really cool blog!

 

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