Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Lemme say i'm back again my dear blog n i missed ya a lot baby but something has bothering me and u the only that can hear me out......First of all lemme clarify this.....i'm DOGPHOBIC ( dont even know if the word exists) but i had a peace treaty with doggy kingdom until this morning.......Somebody’s black pit bull was wandering around the neighborhood when I was leaving earlier, and as I walked off the front porch, it stared right at me like it wanted a piece of me! I had to pause for a second and think: Do I stay strong, and stand my ground? Or do I scream like a chick in a horror movie and run down the street for dear life?

I then realized that if I let this dog punk me, he might start thinking I’m that guy in the neighborhood to pick on! I am a MAN, dammit! I’m not going to be buying dog food for someone else’s dog, just to keep him from bullying me. I had to stand my ground! Besides, I can’t let my neighbors see me running up the street screaming like a bitch.

I looked the dog dead in the eye, and said “If you take one more step in this direction, I swear to God I will smack up your ass! Don’t test me! I’ll beat the sh*t out you right here in broad daylight!”
The sad part is, I don’t even think the dog took me seriously. It looked as if she rolled her eyes as she walked in the opposite direction. It really doesn’t matter though. All that matters is she left me alone, and I can continue to walk my neighborhood with my head held high!

This takes me back my childhood dayz( aha i'm already flowing my dear blog) Growing up, I had a friend in the neighborhood named Otieno. His nickname was Otiz so everybody in the neighborhood knew him by that name. Well, Otiz had this dog named Ruler…a big German Shepherd with a mean temper. As a matter of fact, the dog got the name Ruler because he ruled the area with an iron fist.

Well, in Ruler’s case, I guess it was an iron paw, but back to the story.......

Otis and his dad never kept that psycho dog on a leash, and rarely chained him up. The thing about Ruler is, he would attack only when HE felt like fucking with someone, so you never knew what to expect. Otieno tried to sick him on me one day after I beat his ass over one of our many arguements, and Ruler just walked over to me and nuzzled up against me, letting me pet him and shit. Otis was like “GET HIM YOU JINGA(stupid) DOG!” Two weeks later, that dog chased me and my cousins for two streets in a ferocious rage for no reason. I barely escaped. One of my cousins husseini ran head first into a tree branch trying to get away and damn near knocked himself out. He’s lucky Ruler was mainly trailing me, because that would’ve been his ass.

Mogaka, our neighborhood’s version of the Village Idiot, wasn’t so lucky. Ruler bit the shit out of his ass when he was little. I think he still has a scar on his head to this day from where Ruler got him.

Fast forward to about two years later. I’m on my bike, pedalling down the street, when all of the sudden, Ruler comes charging at me full speed like a bat out of hell. I’m not going to lie, Wallahi I was scared shitless. I just started pedalling for dear life, disregarding stop signs and everything else but Satan’s Hound of the Damned that was literally right on my heels. I got about two blocks with that dog still in hot pursuit before I realied that I had no choice but to take desperate measures. I took my left leg off the pedal and kicked the living shit outta Ruler, right in the face. All I heard was a loud “AAAAAARRRRRRFFFFFF!” but I refused to slow down. I did it so quick, that I didn’t even break my stride on the bike. When I did look back, Ruler was way off in the distance walking around. I slowed down a bit, but kept on pedalling just to make sure I was in the clear.

Thankfully later that year, Municipal Control(kenyan version of RSPCA who dont care for the animal the only remedy is they kill) put Ruler’s ass to sleep. I know they say all dogs go to heaven, but I KNOW that bitch is burning in Hell somewhere. Probaby chillin in the Devil’s backyard eating the grass and shitting all over the place like he used to in Oti’s yard.



At 10:32 PM, Blogger Lonesome Dreamer said...

Good to see you back.

At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ur rants are hilarious!....do share

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Mo said...

Ah, poor Ruler. Bitch does sound bipolar though. lol

BTW, you broke cardinal rule number 1 with that first dog. NEVER look a strange dog in the eye; they take it as though you're challenging them.

At 2:01 AM, Blogger Desert*Rose said...

I love your blog!

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 10:38 AM, Blogger Pablo (yo) said...

Great blog!!!
If you like, come back and visit mine: http://albumdeestampillas.blogspot.com
Pablo from Argentina

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Idil said...

Oh my how i related to this post, our neighborhood dog is called "shadow" why shadow? he lurks in corners and strikes when you least expect it, lets just say i've done alot of running away from this dog till it finally got put to sleep 5 months ago ALHAMDUILLIAH i am finally at peace, i've been terrified and doing a watchout everytime i stepped out of my house for the past 5 years!


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