Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Saturday, June 16, 2007


Once again, I must write a story about the people that I encounter on london Underground. This time, it happened to someone else, but I was there to witness it. It’s right after 5PM, and the train is crowded after work. For those unfamiliar with how London underground seats are configured, they are in sets of two facing eachoer. There were only three seats available on the train when I got on, and I happened to be next to one, along with two older ladies. The lady that was closest to me slid into one of the seats, and I sat down next to her. The lady who was a little further away stood next to the other available seat, which was covered by some woman sprawed out across both of the seats n her row.

The older lady asked the one in two seats if she could sit down, and the two-seat lady had the nerve to get an attitude! She grunted, picked up her bag, stood up, looked at the other lady, sucked her teeth, and then slid over. I just sat in my seat and shook my head in disgust.

You only have one ass, so you’re only really entitled to one seat on the train. That punk assed £3.50 does not ensure comfort. If you wanted a comfortable ride, hire a chauffeur and ride to work in the back of a limo. If you want a cheap, fast ride, you take Underground. By taking Underground, you understand that you run the risk of sitting next to someone big, smelly or hideously unattractive. That’s what Underground fare gets you. One seat for two ass cheeks.

I think the only reason it botherd me was because it was an old lady who wanted to sit down and had to deal with that foolishness. I don’t like seeing people who have no respect for their elders when it comes to little things like that. I hope that stingy seat lady catches some kind of Biblical plague on her backside that keeps her from ever being able to sit on the train again. Yeah…If there’s a such thing as karma, that woman will lose an ass cheek as a result of her becoming a butt leper. It might sound harsh, but it would serve her right. That’ll teach her to hog the seat on a crowded train!

i've got a lot stuff to write this time having not blogged for the passed 20days or so.......but this time its the underground i'm letting it off on......ok lemme go on with my ranting coz this is the angry somali man rant's time so today I took a Underground train, it’s been hot, humid and stuffy inside the car, all at the same time. The station wasn’t hot. The weather outside wasn’t hot. Only the stuffy train was hot. It’s obvious that either the air conditioner was broken, or underground was just being cheap and keeping it off to save gas and money. I really hope that the trains I got on just happened to have mechanical issues. If I find out that underground was being cheap and keeping the AC off, then I’m going to raise Hell!

I won’t have to raise very far by the way, because the underground(bakerloo) train that I was on this evening had a temperature that was slightly about 10 degrees below “Hell” on the farenheit scale. It reminded me of a trip to northern part of kenya(lokichoggio) i went when i was standard8...damn that place was hot!!!.....so back to the story. I think I saw Satan in the back of the train drinking ice water and fanning himself off......thats how hot it was!!!

It was the type of heat that makes you discriminate against big people. Nobody wants a big body pressed up against you when you’re already hot sitting by yourself. When the train hit a station with a lot of people waiting to get on, it was like Russian Roulette. I watched each passenger come on the train, the whole time thinking “Come on skinny person! COME ON, SKINNY PERSON…DAMN IT! PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FAT B*TCH SIT NEXT TO ME…WHEEEEEEEW. She kept it moving. Thank God! Come on, skinny person!”

It was my lucky day. Some slim fellow who did not stink sat next to me for the next couple of stops. I had enough elbow room, so things worked out. Had someone big person sat next to me, you might not be reading this right now. You’d be like “I heard that dude Feisal died of a heat stroke. They had to peel his body off this big girl named Gladys’ arm! The man was stuck like velcro!”

What made it worse was when I finally got to my destination. I felt the weather outside, and realized that it was way too nice out there for it to be so damned hot inside the train! If I get on another hot ass death trap of a london train again, I’m going to walk all the way up to the front, and slap the driver repeatedly until he or she either cuts on the AC, or passes out. Hopefully, the driver will just cut on the AC, because I do not know how to drive a Underground train. If I’m driving, everyone on the train will be cool, but eventually we’re all gonna probably die when I cause some kind of crash! london underground, get your act together so that it does not have to come to this!..........sawaz!!!


At 11:24 PM, Blogger WiseMan said...

Angry somali man, I hate too sitting next to very fat people. I remember, when I was in Kenya six years ago before I came to the USA, those matatus (small Mini-buses) where, when you enter, you encounter the daily possibility of sitting next to those stinking, fat people rubbing their smely underarms againt you.

Fortunately, we drive here in the US and we don't collide with such fat people ona train seat.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Unyc said...

Dude u got alot of drama happening 2 u or close 2 u...loooool.

That lady should come here n get a taste of the matatus or buses n she will appreciate travelling underground

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Aya said...

Feisal, too damn funny, looool. I hate public transport, shoving the great unwashed into tin cans. I don't care about human rights, I wish someone would legislate body odour and give out fucking tickets to the maggots amongst us.

At 8:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting article. I love the music at London's underground sections. Though London underground, famous as it is, was itself unbearably stuffy and peopled most of the time, I enjoyed the music played by those underground artists, those at South Kensington Station especially. The sensation brought by those artists was unforgettable. The murky underground alley and the dump feeling brought
by the continuous rain were often brightened and vanished thanks to their beautiful music.
I am deeply grateful for being given the opportunity to travel to this amazing country. I was amazed of a quantity of Limo London owners. I love going to Cities and getting lost in the history of the place, I can do that everyday in London. Next time you go to London, open your eyes and look around you. It is like an another world.

At 12:34 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Lol! Dnt even remind me of kenyan matatus. Love your articles


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