Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

CRAZY'S BEST WAY TO AVOID THEM

Im not gonna start talkin' bout' why i haven't been bloggin' but this year is diffrent so i'll get straight to my rants..........Earlier last month, I stopped by Edgeware to grab a quick bite to eat. Upon leaving, I found myself in a bit of a predicament as I waited for the light to change in order to cross some U Street. I was standing next to an older lady, and approaching us from further up the street was a lanky fellow, moving in very spastic fits . He was also grunting and yelling out obscenities that made no sense whatsoever, like

“F*@K YOU! THE F**KIN’ SUN GOT MY CAT PREGNANT! HIT ME MOTHERF**KER! AAAAARGH!!! YOUR TEETH ARE SEXY!”

I can’t pretend to actually remember the exact words that this guy said, but it was something along those lines. As he approached, I knew that I had two options. Readers take note, because these are the ONLY two ways to successfully avoid crazy people in public places:

Option 1: Avoid eye contact at all costs, remain still, and peek out of the corner of my eyes to keep this fool in my peripheral vision in case he makes a move. That way, I can see it coming and push his crazy ass into oncoming traffic, or deliver a stern shin kick and throat chop ya kichizi. Yes, I fight dirty.

Who am I kidding? I’m not fighting some tall, smelly, crazy fool if I don’t have to! I’d probably attempt a juke move on him to evade the tackle, then run for dear life! I’m too old for that tough-guy stuff.

If you take nothing else from this, remember to avoid making eye-contact. Eye-contact to crazy people is like sh*t to flies: It draws them in.

Option 2: The other option when confronted with a situation like this is to out-crazy the crazy guy. I don’t recommend trying this unless you are pretty sure that the person is not really as crazy as he seems. Out-crazying a crazy person requires you to do what he or she does, but equal their effort or go above it. For instance, in order to out-crazy the Tazmanian Devil man, I would have had to jump up and down, shimmy my shoulders, then start yelling something even more ridiculous than his earlier outburst:

“YOUR PREGNANT DOG IS ON FIRE! OBAMA GOT THREE NIPPLES! I RAPED A KANGAROO IN THE POCKET!!! AAARRRGH!!! THE DAY OF THE GEECHEE IS HERE!!!”

As you can probably tell, you must sacrifice your own dignity and public image in order to use this tactic to scare away crazy people on the street. Not to mention that this maneuver is almost the same thing as playing a game of “Chicken” with someone. If the guy isn’t all that crazy, he’ll be surprised and run away somewhere. However, if this fellow really and truly is crazy, he might attack you I don’t know if crazy-people bites are like zombie bites, but I wouldn’t take that chance of having him infect you with the crazy people rabies juice in his saliva.

So in essence, there’s really only one way to deal with this type of situation, unless you are feeling adventurous. If so, please get someone to tape your attempt at out-crazying someone crazy, then send it to YOUTUBE. It should prove to be entertaining, no matter what happens!

46 Comments:

At 7:31 AM, Blogger kkii said...

Care killed the cat. take care yourself. ....................................................

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Lonesome Dreamer said...

LOL. God, I really missed this blog :)

Welcome back.

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger Pablo (yo) said...

Great blog!!!
If you like, come back and visit mine: http://albumdeestampillas.blogspot.com
Thanks,
Pablo from Argentina

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Dahab said...

Well well well look what the cat dragged in! There you go again unleashing a rant we've had to wait a lifetime for! Perhaps you're not as angry as you'd like us to think you are... Waad na khiyaamaysay waryaa, lacagtayda ii soo celi!

 
At 2:14 AM, Blogger 努力 said...

Actions speak louder than words. ........................................

 
At 3:11 AM, Blogger 時尚 said...

天下沒有走不通的路,沒有克服不了的困難,沒有打不敗的敵人。........................................

 
At 1:06 AM, Blogger 治士士 said...

When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane. ....................................................

 
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At 8:11 PM, Blogger Rosalind治男Garney火吟 said...

工作,是愛的具體化~~~~努力吧!......................................................

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger 虹玟 said...

任何你憂慮的事,你都應該去採取一點行動,不要只是在那邊想 ..................................................

 
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At 7:16 PM, Blogger 蘇pet0701em_halvorsen said...

原來這世上能跟你共同領略一個笑話的人竟如此難得........................................

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger aflow said...

God pleas you man. I was just surfing in the web when I came across the title Rant of an angry Somali man. I could not stop laughing hard as I read the two options to avoid crazy person. Keep runting will visit and interject our thoughts. Thanks

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger LoganO_Kellam1 said...

不勞而獲的事情,並沒有價值

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger M212aeganT_Moe1 said...

天下沒有走不通的路,沒有克服不了的困難,沒有打不敗的敵人。.............................................

 
At 3:36 PM, Blogger 韋于倫成 said...

希望能有更多心得與我們分享~ ..................................................

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger 佳慧 said...

勤勉是幸運的右手,節儉是幸運的左手。......................................................

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger MargaritoJ淑珍_Arent0 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:33 AM, Blogger 王周宏儒 said...

人生中最好的禮物就是屬於自己的一部份..................................................

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger 雅馨 said...

恨一個人,比原諒一個人,更傷力氣。..................................................................

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger 千TatianaCallan惠 said...

你不能左右天氣,但你可以改變心情................................................................

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger AlaynaGainer1姿吟 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼....................................................................

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger 柏強 said...

Poverty is stranger to industry.....................................................................

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger 淑娟淑娟 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

 
At 12:06 AM, Blogger 文婷文婷 said...

認清問題就等於已經解決了一半的問題。.................................................................

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Idell said...

如果相遇.你會感到相知.那麼.有一種習慣叫做陪伴;如果陪伴.你會感到珍惜.那麼.有一種甜蜜叫做存在!..................................................................

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger 茹希茹希 said...

Nothing comes from nothing.............................................................

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger 雅莊王edgd春2蕙婷余惠其 said...

這麼優的部落格,不踩一下不開心..................................................

 
At 2:17 AM, Blogger 蕙春蕙春 said...

好的blog值得一推再推啦..................................................................

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger 淑慧淑慧 said...

加油-不論如何都期待您的新發表!............................................................

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger shaheeda said...

i probs hsouldnt be..but i was smiling the whole way through

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger 陳佑發 said...

一個人的際遇在第一次總是最深刻的,有時候甚至會讓人的心變成永遠的絕緣。............................................................

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger 琬安琬安 said...

人應該做自己認為對的事,而不是一味跟著群眾的建議走。..................................................

 
At 5:19 PM, Blogger RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。.................................................................

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger 毛彥宇毛彥宇 said...

Unable to give you a heart. so have a reply to push up your post.
............................................................

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger 徐禎緯 said...

thx u very much, i learn a lot............................................................

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger 仲惠娟惠娟亨 said...

如果,人類也像鼠輩一般,花很多時間來吃飯和睡覺,一定會改善健康。 ............................................................

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger 怡于名君 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼....................................................

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger 文王廷 said...

認識自己,是發現妳的真性格、掌握妳的命運、創照你前程的根源。......................................................

 
At 11:44 PM, Blogger 偉曹琬 said...

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done today..................................................................

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger 怡張樺怡張樺怡張樺 said...

天道酬勤,blog也是!相信你的用心會讓你更受歡迎的..................................................................

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger 怡屏 said...

河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 
At 2:08 AM, Blogger fwqtsd said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人......................................................................

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger 惠邱邱邱邱雯 said...

找一個懂妳的人也期許自己做一個人懂別人的人.. ... ............................................................

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger RosePetal said...

I must say that your "rants" are hilarious and very refreshing...please go ahead and rant as I will be reading some more...

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger Born Confused said...

Your sooo hilarious, love your blog! Great read!

 

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