Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Friday, October 27, 2006

Cheated Death...Again!

I feel like the first black president. Not so much as, I have power or influence, but because I've survived numerous assasination attempts. The latest one being last weekend in London.

I was crossing the street at an intersection, and a very unattentive driver barrelled through the crosswalk and came within 3 or 4 feet of running me over. I mean, your favorite blogger friend would have been done. I'd have been laying on the street, flat as day old beer. The guy realized what he almost did to me, and slowed down to gesture that he was sorry. I yelled a few obscenities at him, and thought about throwing my soda at his car. I decided against that, because I was still thirsty after having broken my last fast, and his car was already dirty so some Pepsi on the side would probably just add accent to the rest of the filth.

That was just the latest one. I've survived more attempts on my life than Tupac, 50 Cent and Jack Bauer. Let me run down the list of Feisal's death-defying moments, just so you can see how resourceful I am.

Survived a car wreck where some fool ran a red light and sped across three lanes of traffic, hitting my poor car right on the driver's side. Was pretty much injury free, because I'm hard as steel. *I went home and drank a quart of gasoline and spit out hot fire in celebration.

Talked my way out of a robbery attempt involving two teenagers with a shotgun. Kept all my stuff and received no bullet holes, but left wondering about what God put me here for. *Then I called up the homies and we rode on them b#tch-made trick ass fools.

Was in a car with foks from my university class when the back tire blew out on the highway. We spun across all 5 lanes of traffic before somehow making it to the shoulder lane. I could see oncoming cars heading near as we spun around in what seemed to be slow-motion. *The cars stopped, when I stood up in the sunroof and whipped out my soul pole. The shadow it cast blocked the sunlight, so everyone slowed down to a halt to witness what they thought was a solar eclipe or the coming of the apocalypse.

Got jumped by four guys over some girl who tried to make her boyfriend jealous by sleeping with me. Left with a black eye, but broke the biggest one's nose and held my own against the rest. *Even ripped a man's heart out, and performed emergency surgery on him to put it back while fighing off the others...WITH MY PINKY FINGER! Only reason I gave him his heart back was because I didn't want to catch a murder charge.

Was chased on a regular basis back in nairobi by a german shepherd dog named Simba and never once got bitten.

I told y'all. I'm harder than your favorite rapper or Morriyan!!!. All this talk has got me thinking, though. God really has led me through all this for a reason. That said, I'm making the most of this blessing called life, and soliciting on the blog again.

Note: All of the above incidents are true. The sentences after the point where astericks have been placed are made up though...I'm hard, but not that hard...Sheeeeeit.!!!!!!

6 Comments:

At 11:29 AM, Blogger S.Girl said...

Lol@big Abdalla. That's so wrong! The grim reaper will visit you when he plans to visit you. Your death is predetermined the day you're born. So don't sweat it. You had NO "near death experiences" because you weren't meant to die.

By the way, you never responded to my previous post about contributing to our magazine. www.myspace.com/gosgirls is our Myspace site for more info. Or e-mail at fiah514@yahoo.com.

As they say in your neck of the woods, cheers!

 
At 5:42 AM, Blogger Firefly said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:43 AM, Blogger Firefly said...

LoL, you're a bit of a superman then. Masha'Allah.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

sgirl....been so busy i'll try to get at ya thru ya email....went thru ya myspace n its quite intresting....hasta luego amiga!

c'mon firefly.....hope u don't have kryptonite to finish off my power's!

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger S.Girl said...

Okay yeah definitely e-mail me or contact me through myspace. Our main site is www.gosgirl.com but it's stationary until we launch in January. Check the blog section on wwww.myspace.com/gosgirls for more info on the magazine.

Thanks for the response!

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger muslimah said...

asalamu aliakum

you didn't cheat death. No-one can.

 

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