ramblings
I go through this phase were I have deep thoughts but seem unable to articulate them. writer's block for want of a better phrase. on the blog here or in convo with friends. It's like the very idea of processing my mind spray into some coherent stream ... shudder ... How do you intimate to another the feelings of helplessness? of the inability to move forward with some half concieved or well thought plan, dosen't matter. This society robs you of this ability. It's all about deadlines and time windows. You find yourself trying to be logical about matters of the body and soul. Simple "I just wanna air out" chats become events to be booked into some calendar, juggled with overtime and treated like some other bit of paperwork. soul time becomes premium. You find yourself forever meeting up with friends at bars and clubs, only going to their houses during christenings and stuff, the dinner parties a distant memory, losing the ability to have deep chats about any and every. You realize you've become a drone. fully paid up member of the rat race. eat, work, sleep, fuck, eat, shit, work.
I'm all jumbled up cos I get into deep convos with people at the hospital realizing a reversal in roles. kinda like "dude have you spoken to your wife/girlfriend/lover/partner about this shit you unloading on me?". I realize that i'm inherently different to the majority at work, perhaps a more engaging cultural background, making it easier for others to tell me their life stories. Worrying that perhaps colleagues are carrying to much baggage probably affecting their lives. Wondering perhaps I'm busy using up my free time, offering some kind of pseudo therapy I'm probably in need of myself but having no time, within work and without, to seek. Annoyed I can't help my basic nature, asking a sour face "you aight mate? wassup? lets grab a coffee". Perhaps to emphatic by nature to do the 24/7 poker face.
The week's gone from one extreme to another. beautiful wedding over the weekend to hassles from fuckin consultants at work and hardcore taxmen threats (V.A.T bill of a few grands anyone?) to real joy at some very rare good news (like really, really good news). My problem is i'm the eternal optimistic. I'd see a sparkle in a pile of shit. Sometimes taking the middle ground on an issue instead of the offensive/defensive stance. I just dont see a problem with such extremes.
I'm rambling. I just have this sense of dissatisfaction. Wondering what Allah had planned. What's the plan? A better job earning more money? But to what end? What for? Do you ever stare at yourself in the mirror and ask why? what's the purpose of life? what's the meaning of it all?
Ok i'll try make some sense. nah that's for some other entry.
over and out.
posted by Rant's of an angry somali man @ 3:47 AM
3 Comments:
You know why you feel so despondent, perhaps you cram you life with other people. My solution to such a problem is an hour of solitude all to myself, if I can get more minutes that is fine.
a book and a pen, after a while you will find your voice, and writing down how you feel comes easy. I have been writting on my dairy since I was 10 years old. the computer age, I graduated to tens of blogs, to match each of my moods, each one is dedicated to something topic, (thank god Som blogs did not find my other ones)
I also find out, in life the type of people surrounding you makes a lot of difference, some humans are walking polution, without realizing they contaminate you with their sickness, hate groups makes you, around people who whine and complain, soon you the optimist will be whining like them. there is another factor, you life in the US and people are complainers by nature, wee wee, I am piss off of my boss, that bitch said this, wee wee, the weather is bad, wee wee constantly, you cannot talk to an American without hearing them complain. first you think, what kooks, than you start complaining yourself soon, just to be one of the guys, (hadowna waad ka dari)
SOlution one: god's sake move from boring Ohio if you want to life a more interesting life, expore other big cities, like LA, NY, Las Vages etc.
Solution two: get laid (legally of course)let me add that quicky before the moral police accuse me of spreading SIN)! looooool
Good luck to U, Mr. Whining wuz looooool wee wee wee ahahahaha
ciao
Yasmin
^^ Lo0oL....urm, that's kinda harsh.
Angry Somali Man, there there. *Pats you on the head* Things will get clearer, am sure.
Ramadan kariim.
mrs whining i thought was the only one who felt like this..........Sometimes i sit and wonder what is the real purpose of life.....think now i dont have to worry coz i aint the only one.......i thought i'm losing touch with the rest of the world....i've become a lean mean coding machine........sleep, code, sleep, code, eat, sleep, code
firefly there just gettin cloudier love!
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