Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Monday, December 11, 2006

Helping My Fellow Somali Man

Yesterday I was on a train headed to my cousin house in harlesden north west london, when I saw something that saddened me, but also made me feel helpless since it was none of my damn business so I could not offer any assistance. The train stopped at paddington, and these art students got on. This really pretty young somali lady, 5'6" dark skinned, nice ass, beautiful smile etc., got on the train and sat across from me. So before I got a chance to slide across to the edge of my seat and say hello, this somali guy came and sat down right next to me. I know what you're thinking: ANOTHER somali dude was cock-blocking. I don't think that was the case, though. They were apparently classmates, because the two started talking about school stuff.

Once they stopped talking, I noticed something: somali guy was looking visibly nervous and started writing on the folded up piece of paper that he had in his hand. Of course, I had to read what he was writing, because someone sitting directly next to me on public transportation looking that nervous was cause for alarm. He might have been trying to take the train hostage. I had to make sure I wasn't going to have to whip his ass Harrison Ford style and save the day for everyone.

Thankfully, it wasn't what I thought. He was writing a note to that girl in his class. The note had her name on it, then it said "Will you have dinner with me?" Right before he could give it to her, the train stopped, and she jumped off with some of the other women in her class and ran off the train. somali man looked so dejected and sad. I felt bad for him, but I couldn't really say shit to him since I wasn't supposed to be reading the note. So now, I am going to put my advice here in the hopes that he actually sees this and reads it. Anonymous somali Art Student, the lines below are for you:

My friend, the first thing you need to do is acquire some confidence. Remember this one mantra: "There is no such thing as out of your league. As soon as you consider a woman out of your league, that is the exact moment that she actually becomes out of your league." It's like in sports. If you try to play any game with no confidence, your odds of success are few. You have to believe that you can achieve it. You're already in there with her part of the way, since she speaks to you. All you have to do now is tell her how much you like her and how you want to lick every inch of her smooth sexy chocolate body.

Ok. Leave out the part about giving her a tongue bath. That only works once she's already touched your abdalla. On purpose, that is. I'm not talking about incidental contact, cause that shit does not count.

To acquire the confidence to approach her in a manner befitting a man and not a nervous little beeyatch, remember these two things:

1.) Rejection is not as bad as most people think. Especially if you aim high. Since you're going after someone pretty, no one will blame you for trying if she happens to say no. They'll probably respect you more for having the balls to step to her. So don't even think about how bad a "no" would be, because trust me, it won't be bad since she likes you enough already to engage in conversation with you.

2.)You gain the confidence to talk to women like that by accentuating your positive attributes and either downplaying the negative ones, or ignoring them altogether. I usually choose to downplay my faults instead of acting like they're not there. I mean, I'm impatient, I tend to talk fast, and my money still hasn't made it to where it needs to be yet. Despite this, I feel like I have at least a 70% chance with any woman that I am attracted to. 20% of the no's are either married or lesbians, and the last 10% just flat out has bad taste. I feel this way because I accentuate my positive traits(my sense of humor, infectious smile, charm, style, creativity, etc.) and use those to increase my appeal.

Hope this helped you, my brother. If not, I will print this out and carry it with me next Monday in case I see you out there again. That said, I'm giving you until then to try your hand with that sexy ass girl with the nice legs and pretty skin, or it's open season. That should help increase your sense of urgency, knowing that a gentleman of leisure like such as myself is going to get at her if you don't. No pressure, walalo...No pressure.


At 4:07 PM, Blogger Acolyte said...

Your post made my day! Dudes need to learn that no is just a word, it doesn't hurt in the least. There is another mama I am catching strokes with and it is sheer confidence that got me there.If you dont have it, bluff your way there!

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Girl next door said...

This is so hilarious! Great advice! Hope the dude reads it. I feel sorry for him not getting to give the note to the pretty lady. I thought notes were stunts pulled in primary school! Anyway, you're so right about confidence. It is such an attractive trait. Let us know if you run into this guy again.

P.S. great minds think alike (same template)...

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At 9:40 PM, Blogger Jadekitten said...

I like, I like.

Poor sod, I actually feel sorry for him, maybe becos I've been known t give guys like him a hard time (in a nice way), the whole no-confidence thing jazzez me to no end. Ok, I was coming here t say...that walalo thing you snuck in at the end. Egad! I was in Namanga over the wkend, you know how over-populated that place is by your kinsmen...LOL...N I have t say, among your brothers in that region, they know nothing like 'out of my league'. Jus saying.

Oh, and thanks for passing by mine.


At 11:25 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

acolyte....u have to go with that roho juu motto otherwise mahaga mingi zitakupita!

GIRL NEXT DOOR......thanx....i'll let u guy's know if i ever meet him again.....ohh n thanx 4 the compliment.

JADEKITTEN....i have a few cousin's who live that side otherwise without confidence kwani why were men given makende mbili u either use them or cut them off....lolz!

At 2:12 PM, Blogger NonChalante said...

He's an art student.... How much blame can you put on him..j/k
Please do update us if you do see him again.

At 9:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very well put. I attest that what you are talking about in this post ring very true.

At 2:11 AM, Blogger wasmaniac said...

woow...that was hilarious.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. lol. i know this is a tad bit late,ok 4 years late. but i found your blog last night by luck and been reading every single one of them. love it . this one though struck a cord. this was me 20 yrs ago sitting in crowded bus in Mogadishu after school and feeling love sick for the boy next door.


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