Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

CLUB 55

Any of you readers ever been to Club 55? If so, then you already know that today's entry is going to be crazy.

For those unfamiliar with Club 55, it is a "gentleman's establishment" where ladies "entertain onstage" sans clothing. It's a grimy, hole-in-the-wall spot located on a somewhat seedy part of South London in brixton. Not at all for the faint at heart.

That said, "Trina" dances there, so that makes it worth the trip. Of couse I'm not talking about the real Trina. It's this sexy little lady with a really big ass who strips there. She looks a lot like Trina in the face, but has a booty that easily puts Serena Williams and J-Lo to shame. No competition. Like, her butt is so nice, that it could bring about world peace. Or start World War 3 should she choose to use her powers for evil instead of good. She's Ass-tastic. Ass-tacular. Ass-tounding. Ass-nificient.

So Friday night, I ended up making a trip to Club 55 after watching casino royale. I went with two trinidadian ladies who i got to know through steve(workmate), and we were going to meet up with some other folks that we knew who were already there. The plan sounded like a good one, but it all fell apart once we got to the club.

One of the ladies I came with left with one of her friends for a very long time...I'm not going to assume that anyone was getting fucked or getting high, but I can't think of much else two people could have been doing that long. Then again, I'm probably just going with the worst case scenario since things fell apart after they went on their little excursion. The chick that stayed with me was on her way to being drunk as hell, and I had just met her that night. Things went from us chillin, looking at the dancers(mainly Trina), to her grinding on me with her breasts halfway coming out of her top, to me basically holding her drunk ass up so she doesn't fall on the floor.

So we waited and waited for her girl to come back, and I took her over to the front of the club to keep security from giving us a hard time. Also, that way, if she had to throw up, she would be closer to the front door and the bathroom. Boy, did she choose the wrong place to be a drunk female at...That shit was comedy. Every dude that walked past us came to me and was like "You need to fuck the shit out her. She nice and ready!" Nevermind the fact that she can't walk on her own. Nevermind that she was slipping in and out of consciousness and was basically dead weight at that point. I was supposed to take her out back and wear her out according to strip club logic.

Then again, I can't act TOTALLY innocent. I did accidentally let her rub on my soul pole for awhile...and when her breasts were popping out, I adjusted them for her. I mean if I didn't who would have?

The worst point in the night came when this group of four of the grimiest, most gutter, obviously-been-to-prison-before, look-like-they-just-got-through-beating-someone's-ass brixton motherfuckers walked in the door. These guys looked like they all lived hard lives. Like you could strike a match off their faces to light your cigarette the way they did in the old Westerns. The type of people who had NOTHING to lose in a fight. Breaking a nose might actually IMPROVE their looks.

Well, the ringleader of the group saw ol' girl laying there with her breasts halfway out again, and then said to me "Ay cuz, I know she with you...I'll give you £20 if you let me touch her titty. YOU BETTER PIMP HER MAN!"

I can't lie, I had to laugh at that shit. But when I saw all those dudes reaching in their pockets and pulling out £20s, I had to tell them no. As much as I could have used a quick $80 for babysitting her drunk ass, I figured that would technically make me a pimp. As much as I joke about that shit, I don't really want to actually start selling that chick's body for cash.

Although she probably never would have known...Ah well. I did the right thing. Let me just leave it alone, shit.


Eventually, we got her home, her friend came back, and I got to meet "Trina" the next night at another club. She remembered me from babysitting the drunk girl the night before, which made it easy for me to talk my shit and work the charm. So I guess it wasn't all bad. Let me go ahead and end this post now before I start singing "I'm In Luv With A Stripper" or something. The end.

7 Comments:

At 10:07 AM, Blogger Dahab said...

All I got to say to that is; La Ilaha Ilalaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Maua said...

hahahahaha.. in love with a stripper? say what? when r u fikaring Nai? let's c if u'll b in-love with them strippers (wink, wink)

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

^
Yes maua, ebu tuone kama he will be in-love with them strippers in Nai ;)

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger Wicky said...

hahah....thts one night that will be remembered by every reader. vending machine man and his luck carries on !

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

dahab..... i really need ur prayer's!!!

maua......kama they've got trina type i'm there on my next flight!....but i really miss nai's clubbin scene!

native....sioni ka i'll get trinatype huko.....but u never know

wicky...wish me more luck.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Iman said...

Actually theres a strip club right next to my Uni and I always feel like going in, but then they might think im sort of a freak going in alone and being female..lol, but one day Im gonna pluck up the courage and see what all the fuss about strip clubs is.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Acolyte said...

Damn! Seems you had a night and a half! Despite the fact the south has the best strip clubs, I have never been to one at all. I surely am a gentleman! As for the drunk mama, you sure are a nice dude; some dude would have pimped her out for touching purposes and then gone home with her and shagged. But seems you reaped some benefits for being a good guy at the end of the day...

 

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