Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


Today ladies and gentlemen, I am going to discuss my first(and sadly, my only) experience traveling to eastern europe. In 2001, I was selected to do an exchange student program for about a month and a half in Ukraine. The areas I stayed in was in kiev, ukraine. I'm not even going to lie to you all, I didn't want to go at first. My brother(hakeem currently a convict in san diego) and my mentor mwangi pretty much stayed on me until I wrote an essay for the selection committee. When I was selected, they were extremely happy, and I was thinking to myself "SHIT!"

My friends were all putting negative stuff in my ear, too. Talking about "You're gonna be the only black person in that entire country. Man, don't go over there. You know they still got Nazis".

To which I responded "You dumb fuck. ukraine fought against the Nazis...Read a book you...simpleton."

The funny thing is, I DID run into some skinheads out there, but I'll get to that in part 2.

As the trip drew closer, I got more and more excited about going. There were a few drawbacks...For instance, I was the only black person and the only male from my university going on the trip. Plus, they tried to teach me how to read cyrillic and speak Russian in what amounted to less than one month's time. That shit would have been hard if I didn't have other classes and a job...but since I did have other classes and a job, I didn't learn much before leaving for my trip.

The pluses far outweighed the minuses, though. My host brother Dima was about as cool as they come. He helped me with translations, and I helped him with his people skills. Plus, his family was wonderful. The grandma would come over almost every day and fix some really good meal. It's funny, because we had fish(coz practically thats the only halal thing i trusted) and potatoes almost every time she cooked, but she never made that shit the same way twice the whole time I was there. I didn't even know there were that many ways to prepare fish and potatoes. Folks thought I wasn't going to eat much out there, but I actually gained weight. The only funny thing about the family was that I still to this day do not know if Dima's family was a member of the Ukranian Mafia or not. His dad owned a fishing business, and most of the businesses in town after the fall of Communism were run by the mob. You could tell the mob folks when you saw them, cause they would have on flamboyant shiny ass Puffy and Mase style designer suits, while the rest of the country wore old 80s looking outfits like Levis and t shirts. Dima's pops never wore anything like that, but he did enough suspicious stuff to make you wonder about him.

The university was my favorite part of the trip. That's where I became Feisal: International Celebrity. First of all, damn near every girl there wanted a piece of me. I think they read or heard about the sterotype that black dudes have big abdalla's, cause that shit was constant. I was getting gifts at school almost on a daily basis. At first, I wasn't thinking about those Ukranian women, but after about 2 weeks of so away from black women, I started to notice that some of them were actually pretty. And no, they weren't all big hairy bohemoths...There were plenty of girly girls who shavewd their legs and cleansed. The one that actually wore me down was VERY pretty. I never did it to her(for fear that I may come back with some ukranian disease that wasn't even in the States yet...I was ignorant about russians as hell back then), but we had a routine: after uni, we'd meet up with our mutual friends, get folks to translate some shit talk(she spoke no English), and then drink vodka and make out. What started it was the day she went up to my host brother and had him teach her how to say "Feisal, I'm cold. Hold me." That showed me that she had a little bit of Russian game in her. I wonder what Aksana is up to these days...Probably married to one of those shiny suit mobsters or something.

The university's basketball court made me a celebrity, too. The way the Ukranian school system was set up, the gifted athletes went to certain schools, the intellectuals went to other schools, and the Joe Schmoe average motherfuckers had their own school. The one I was at was an intellectual school. The ukranian students there had to be fluent in either English or German just to attend it. So these guys were not exactly athletically inclined. The only athletes at the school were the boxers that trained in the basement of the school and only came up to run and eat.Once I got on the court with the guys at the school, I showed my ass. No look passes...coast to coast layups past all five defenders...Pullup threes from NBA range...I even tried to dunk on one of them(back then I could dunk with one hand). They thought I was Jordan, Magic and Bird all rolled into one 6'0" frame. Someone even asked me whether or not I was going to the NBA. I said "Only if they make a league for people 6'5 feet tall and under."

My basketball shenanigans were exposed later in the trip. Folks heard about my game, and I got invited to play at another school. What they didn't tell me was that the guys at this school were the best players in their region. I'm talking about folks training for the Olympics type of good. So the inevitable happened...They busted my ass out there. I maintained respectability, but I was in a state of shock and awe. That's about as helpless as I'd ever felt on a basketball court. I shook everyone's hand after I left, but I know they were probably talking shit after I left. Saying shit like "Look at the 'Big Bad AMERICAN!'(coz they all thought me coming from american uni i was american) I told you they are WEAK! They cannot hang with Mother Ukraine!"

Either way, it was fun. Look out for part two, where I'll discuss being Ambassador Of All Black People, The Skinhead Incident, and other stories from the trip. I have too many to just put them in one entry......i'll write them up once i have an off day.........by the way has anyone else been experiencing posting comments or is just me......can't post any on any blog it simply refuses.....don't know 4real!.


At 8:04 PM, Blogger Girl next door said...

Sounds like quite the adventure! I don't know much about the Ukraine but I've met some older people from there who probably never saw black people till they came to the U.S. coz I get some half puzzled/fascinated looks and questions.

The basketball thing is so funny!

At 12:27 AM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

Maze u guy, telling tall tales are we? LMAO!!! Lakini, I have skiad horror stories about those eastern europeans, kwanza the skinheads, I hope ur interaction with them didnt land u in hosi like it did some folks I know.

Evidently, whether u speak a common language or not, rubs are rubs, and abdalla will always be abdalla.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

GIRL NEXT DOOR........wacha tu its one of those trips u dont expect much lakini at hindsight i look back an d reminisce funny stuff.

MAUA........ngoja kwanza part 2 thats when i tell u guys about the skinheads otherwise maua howz u doin?

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

I am sawaz... maze I keep coming back here to skia part 2, wapi? wajua ngoja ngoja huumiza matumbo??!!
Happy new year!!!


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