Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Friday, December 29, 2006


Ok y'all...I have a lot of stuff on my mind...but since I promised the second part of the Ukranian story, here 'goes...

First of all, since I was the only black male on the trip, and the only male traveling from my uni, period, I kind of had to be mindful of my behavior out there. I was the only African person most of these ukranians had ever seen in real life. So because of this, I was somewhat forced into becoming the unofficial "Ambassador Of All Black People" while I was out there. We had two question and answer sessions to educate folks about American( not to say i've ever considered myself american) life. Guess what almost every one of my questions were about?

If you guessed anything other than race, then you probably should just stop reading right now. Slow people don't need to be on the internet.

But back to the Q&A sessions. They asked me shit like "Do they spray you all with water hoses or attack you with dogs?" or "Do you know Coolio? What about M.C. Hammer?"

So yeah, I had to actually address shit like this without being a jackass and hurting anyone's feelings. The ONLY images of black people they had ever seen were the sterotypical representaions you see on television and in the movies. So I felt that I couldn't be the "Angry Black Man", the "Lazy Shiftless Bastard", the "Oversexed Black Coon" or the "Loud Obnoxious Con Artist Nigga." It was bad enough that I made them believe that all black guys could play ball earlier in the gym...I had to make up for it as far as with the other stereotypes.

One question from the Q&A actually got some chick in trouble. She asked me "Do you have any children" to which I responded "NOOOOOOO". So she then stands up again, grabs her chest, and says "Do you want any?" The professor from my school was hating and making jokes about that the rest of the week, but I was rather flattered by the outright sluttery displayed by this Ukranian lady. It's a good example for all women everywhere who hope to someday approach me and start conversation ;)

The other story is actually two condensed into one. It was the day after we'd left donetsk to go back to Kiev. As we were getting ready to board a train for Kiev, a group of skinheads came over. One of them grabbed my professor and said "Yankee go home!" So I hear this and turn around to get a look at who said it. As I turned in their direction, this bitch ass frail looking skinhead pointed at me and said "LOOK! NIGGER!" It was as if he'd never had an actual chance to call someone this before. He seemed almost happy to see my black ass. So I was faced with two options: Option 1, take the bottle I had in my hand and crack it over his skull, or Option 2, walk away.

I was kind of angry, but a few thoughts ran through my mind really quickly. The first thought was that even though the skinhead who actually called me the N-word was small, the other five were kinda big. The biggest one looked just like that old school wrestler King Kong Bundy. He was THAT big. I know none of those punk asses from the other US uni's would have had my back if I got in a fight with that guy. The second thought that ran through my mind was the image of the hospital in donetsk. Picture the front of Fred and Lamont's house on Sanford and Son, only with containers of medical junk outstide...That's what it looked like. If you end up there, you're pretty much a goner. The last thought I had was that if a ukranian hospital looked like that, I can't even imagine what a ukranian jail looks like. I'll be damned if I end up in one of those.

So I decided to walk away and just be a nigger that day. The train police chased the skinheads away pretty quickly, so it was the right move.

The funny thing was, once I got on the train...still filled with Angry Black Man rage, I ran into some other African Americans...and not just any African Americans, but the Preservation Hall Jazz Band based out of New Orleans. They were just as happy to see another black face as I was. Very cool folks. Once we got to kiev, they took me to a Georgian resturant(for free), then gave me front row tickets and a backstage pass for their show that night. I almost even got some Ukranian groupie ass since folks thought I was in the band, but the groupies decided they wanted the white guy who played the bass...go figure. Either way, that was definitely a fun experience. If the Preservation Hall Jazz Band is ever in your town, I recommend checking them out. GREAT music, played by a bunch of cool people.

Alright y'all...That's enough ukranian stories for you. I actually do have more, but I would be typing all night long and you'd probably get sick of reading it all. I guess if you have any questions about the trip, feel free to ask me...Either in the comments section, or if you know me in person, go ahead and ask next time you see me......have a happy eid y'all!!!.......and happy new year!!!


At 8:14 PM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

finally!! now wacha I go soma!

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

ehh, do u want children?

now that I have your attention-- lol!! that black ambassador thing, its our responsibilty. I dont which is worse the black ambassador ama the Africa one? Si once I told someone ati I killed a hyena (btw, had to explain what this was, i shuda picked a common animal, but wasnt sure waht the animal planet had sed about humans strangling elephants, a common occurence?) Anyways, I semad vile I was give a lion tooth coz such was a fete only accomplished by men!

so did ur prof ever bring up the subject? I mean ur niggerdness saved his life, there is no telling wat the skinheads wuda done had he not seen u!!!

Happy Eid! and a Happy New Year!!! cheers!

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Don_quixote said...

Eid mubarak to you too and happy new year, playing african ambasadoor is my fave after saying thati had a pet leopard and getting believed i quit ever bothering some people can be soo gulible.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger Don_quixote said...

Eid mubarak to you too and happy new year, playing african ambasadoor is my fave after saying that my pet was a leopard and getting believed i quit ever bothering some people can be soo akili uji.

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

yeah i wanna have them!......any time any place mami!.....maua hata hiyo story yako ya hyena usiki umenimurder u had me breaking my ribs!!.......lolz......mpaka wa leo that ka professor bado still jokes about it.

don quixote.........what else can u say most of them ni mafala tu!

At 4:28 AM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

its confirmed then!! our children will be comedians... what a noble profession. :)

At 10:27 AM, Blogger Acolyte said...

Damn you are a strong dude! Eastern European countries are off my list, no way am I ever stepping in one.Especially since Russians started killing African students.
But seems some of them Eastern European women would like to get some black loving!
Good thing you got out in one piece!


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