Rants of an angry somali man

Just everyday shyt that bothers me....and probably you, too.....basically its mumbles and rambles i ramble to myself....i hope i can release them all here

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


This entry may actually save somebody from suffering an unnecessary ass whupping. Since there is too much violence in this world directly attributed to folks in a jealous rage, I plan on doing what I can to heal the world. I know every straight man on Earth has at one time or another been caught glancing at someone else's lady. Hell. It's human nature to look at something attractive, for Christ's sake. Just don't be obnoxious or flagrantly disrespectful and you may even be able to pull it off in an acceptable manner.

For one thing, there is a level of respect you must give someone when they're with a lady. If a man is with a woman, and you stare, act disrespectful or say something lewd as if the guy isn't even around(or even worse, as if you KNOW he won't do shit), then don't be suprised if the man says something back, swings on you, or even stabs or shoots you. Not that it's right, but you brought that shit on your dumb ass self. I know personally, I had to be escorted out of a place by security once because someone harassed a friend of mine right in front of me. The funny shit is, we weren't even interested in each other like that. I just got mad cause the dude snatched her up and grabbed her ass right in front of me like I was some kind of punk and I wouldn't beat him within an inch of his miserable little life.

But that was the old me. And a long time ago. I'm much more gentle and non-confrontational now :)

Now, if a person were to just say something along the lines of "No disrespect, but your lady is beautiful", then the man can't get but so mad. Even if you get caught red handed trying to sneak a peek, you can say something like "For real, can you really blame me for looking? I mean DAMN! My bad, cuz."

The key is to make dude feel validated for having someone that fine on his arm, but not to make it look like you're trying to take his lady or you don't respect him. I know it may not get you any farther with the lady, but the reality of the situation is if she's walking with him, odds are she is not interested in your stankin ass, regardless of who you are. It's very rare that someone who isn't rich AND famous can just snatch a lady off her man's arm right in front of him. Most pimps don't even have that type of influence going for them with normal women.

Now, when you're God's gift to ovaries like me, or even some off brand motherfucker tham may have once acsended to a level of greatness close to mine, sometimes insecure guys will think you are trying to take their lady if you show them any attention at all.

This is where you have options. The first option, walking away, is always a safe one, but where's the fun in that?

The second option, actually start flirting with the guy's lady, may sometimes result in the ego boost of getting his lady's number slid to you on the low...But more often then not will result in fisticuffs, or if you're dealing with an Ike Turner type, domestic violence once the couple gets home. Neither is good.

The third option is usually the one I choose. The smartass option. Let me first warn anyone who uses this option: Think wisely before you decide to use this method. To be a true smartass, you have to be SMART. If you say something that is not witty, or something that is not somewhat over the head of the person you're clowning, then you only make yourself look like an ass. Plus, you may get the shit slapped out of you by both the boyfriend AND the girlfriend. Let me give you a true life example of a smart ass comment that got me out of a situation but then stung dude a little later.

It was a few weeks ago at "SAM'S" a.k.a. The Common Share IN central london(where else...). This ethiopian, Sherman Klump looking fellow was there with a suprisingly good looking somali woman on his arm. So I'm watching football, cracking jokes and minding my business, when his lady laughs at something I said and makes a joke of her own about the same football player(might have been talking about tottenham's danny murphy apple-headed ass. That dude has a fat man's head on a skinny man's body...but back to the story). So dude kept cutting his eyes over to her and then back to me, not even trying to be subtle about it. Then he slides over forcibly in beween where I'm standing and where she is, as if to mark his territory. It was so obvious, he may as well have whipped his dick out and pissed on her leg. So she says something about it, and I interject and say "Nah, it's cool...I understand. If I were you, I'd want folks to know that was my lady, too. She's really good looking. That's a good look for a brother like you."

At first dude kinda smiled...By the time he realized that I was basically saying "How the in the hell did a sloppy motherfucker like YOU pull a woman like HER?!!" I was halfway across the bar talking to the folks I was originally joking around with. See..that was joning with stealth and precision. I didn't even have to strike hard to cut deep.

So there you have it. Follow my advice, and there should be far less violence directly related to vagina this winter. Thank you very much. God bless you. Good night.


At 10:24 AM, Blogger Acolyte said...

Well written my guy! I have always found that stealth and tact work best. You can even talk to the dude while dropping subtle signals to the lady if you have the skills coz brute force gets you nowhere in this game.
But as the game goes, men waste too much time and money trying to get laid when it is far easier than they think!

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Nekessa O. said...

as u always bruh u cracked me up!! that was some serious diss u gave Abesha!

I have always wondered about tho, y does a jamaa vibe me like this when I am with someone. Apart from disrespecting my man, he is also disrespecting me. Kwani wat kind of heifer am I that I vibe with anaa jamaa right infront of mine.

Sorry fellas, keep ur eyes and hands to urself, I am taken!!

At 4:47 AM, Blogger Rant's of an angry somali man said...

acolyte.....u just hit the point straight in bro!

maua......its something called ego boost its nothin' to do with the lady .....to know that i can actually do it!....its not about disrespect.

At 11:56 PM, Blogger wasmaniac said...

Hilarious but true stuff. Am just wondering what 'a good looking somali woman' was doing sitting pretty with a habashi...Anybody but an ethio!

At 4:57 AM, Blogger NM said...

"you're God's gift to ovaries like me"

Rants of an angry somali man....my goodness you really are outrageous!

an interesting piece on the male psychie thou...

i just shake my head a lot as i read your blog and laugh at moments when i know i probably shouldn't.

At 4:21 PM, Blogger PROUD NYEUTHI said...

This is a good one. Thank you for explaining a few things that needed explaining. Now I know. Lakini for real, sometimes as a mama you are just chilling with a chap who is not your chap. You're just pals. It sucks when you know others are walking by "respecting" your pal and hence not saying wasup. I guess a scenario like the one you describe opens up avenues for dialogue.


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